Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Gotta Come Up With The Next Step

So, um, yeah...I found out that I didn't get into school while I was over in England visiting my mom. We were having lunch in one of the many local pubs reading our horoscopes out of my newly purchased British Vogue. Mine went as follows:

Learning that you're in for a series of jarring incidents and disappointment in early April may not seem like good news. But each alerts you to something that's amiss in arrangements with others or in your own perspective. So instead of seeking quick solutions, invest some time digging deep for answers. What you learn is shocking and illuminating. This is well-timed, since the month's last half requires you to make decisions that are as swift as they are pivotal, and what you've learned saves you serious time and money.

I said, "Well, that sounds like I didn't get in to school."

"No, no. That's just relationship stuff."

We went home where I checked my status and whoa, ego was bruised. It was a no-go to student loans, spring breaks, and multiple all-nighters in the studio. I was sure that I would get in. A big fan of the "create your own reality" state of mind, I had already envisioned the acceptance letter. I had put off getting a 'real job' or doing much other than juggling my three different shitty jobs so that I wouldn't leave anyone in the lurch when I was accepted to UT's architecture program with open arms. So when I was told the contrary, I felt as if I had failed and was left without any idea of what to do next.

Being in London when you're depressed both compounds the feeling of being in the depths of despair, as well as lending it a very romantic aura. London was dreary.

I was a stranger in the city
Out of town were the people I knew
I had that feeling of self-pity
What to do? What to do? What to do?
The outlook was decidedly blue
But as I walked through the foggy streets alone
It turned out to be the luckiest day I've known

But like the horoscope said, maybe my plans for architecture school were mislaid. And a change of scenery always does the mind good. Mom and I had plans to go to Portugal for five days, five gloriously hail-free days. The weather was much warmer, wine country, beautiful men (the women were another story).

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